What to Do When You Feel Like a Loser

by Manal Ghosain on November 12, 2009

loserThere are times when I feel like a loser. The feeling usually starts when I think that I don’t know something or can’t do it. It arises sometimes when I compare my own abilities to someone else’s and determine they are better than me.

The negative emotion usually begins by comparing one’s ability to others or to a preconceived idea of what one should know or be able to do.

When I get into the loser feeling, I don’t feel bad for myself but rather angry at myself for not being better. It is a negative feeling that perpetuates more negativity.

So what do you do when you feel like crap and are not good enough?

Recognize that you are not your feeling. We often confuse feeling with being. We are not losers when we feel this way. This feeling doesn’t make us anything and can change at any moment.

Accept the feeling. Nothing good ever comes out of fighting what you’re feeling. Fighting a negative emotion usually gives it strength. So accept that you are feeling angry at yourself. Reflect on how you are feeling. Go with the emotion and feel its effect on your body. Don’t judge or dismiss it. Within a short period of doing this, you can feel that your negative emotion is starting to subside and you feel an inner calm.

Remember: comparison is the root of all evil. Comparing oneself to a predefined standard or others is a sure way to feel bad. Standards are determined by other humans just like you. They can be good for some but not for others. Do what feels right, not what complies with rules and standards.

We all got slammed one time or another by being compared to someone who is doing a better job than we are, in school or at work. Remind yourself of the successful and genius people who never fit into this mold and followed their own way.

Focus on your strengths and celebrate your successes. We usually dwell on our faults and  weaknesses (mostly perceived) way more than we focus on our strengths and accomplishments. Remind yourself everyday of what you accomplished. It can be as simple as doing the dishes. Somebody has to do them.

Accept that there is always someone who can and will do things better than you. It’s just a matter of time. Life is about advancement and as we advance so does everyone else. Even if you are at the top, there will come a time when someone is going to climb higher than you. Celebrate their success and aim for higher.

Create your experience. If you have done everything above and you are still angry at yourself, harness that anger and use it to create something that is uniquely yours. No two people are the same. Each individual is unique and has their own experiences and strengths. You are one of a kind and you were meant to have a one of a kind experience. Enjoy it!

“You were not born a winner, and you were not born a loser. You are what you make yourself to be.” – Unknown

What are you making yourself to be?

*Photo by Cali2Okie
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