We often make a conscious effort to catch-up on our work and other aspects of our lives after time off. There is this burst of energy after a vacation or an unexpected interruption to speed things up and get things done.

But what if catching up becomes more than an occasional occurrence? What if it becomes part of your daily routine?

In today’s 24-7 connectivity, we’re inundated with numerous demands. It is very easy to keep adding more to your daily schedule—more communication, more demands, and way more expectations.

You feel stuck in a rut of doing more but getting less results.  You keep doing this day in and day out feeling anxious, tired and drained—barely coming to the surface to catch your breath. Eventually you fall into productivity oblivion; burnout sets in and avoidance becomes the main coping mechanism.

Avoidance is the number one action and motivation killer.  It comes with a hefty price tag: added mental and physical stress, and exacerbating self limiting beliefs.

Why don’t you stop trying to catch up and start over now?

Instead of continuing to struggle with balancing your past demands with your present abilities and time, try to do things a little bit differently. Make a conscious decision to stop chasing time and playing catch-up.

Today is a new beginning. Keep an open mind and realize that there is no magic formula that works for everyone or everything.  The guidelines below can be a good starting point.  Give them a try, use what works for you and ignore the rest.

1. Accept where you are now. You have fallen behind and feel overwhelmed; you’re struggling to catch-up. Go with the feeling and move from a place of acceptance. You are dealing with your life demands instead of avoiding them. Make a conscious decision to start over now. No rush, no pressure, no regrets.

2. Write things down. This is the most obvious step. It is worth mentioning because it is the the best way to start feeling calmer and putting things into perspective. Things do look much worse in our heads than on paper.

When you write everything down, you create space in your mind allowing creativity and insight to guide you.

3. Look at your list. Really look at it. Take time to think and reflect on each item on the list.

• How did it get there?
• Why do you need to do it?
• What would happen if you didn’t do it?

After answering the questions above, remove any items that won’t make a difference. If you feel uncomfortable taking something off your list, create a new list for the not so important things. At least it won’t be in your face nagging at you every day.

Remember it is a new start so don’t beat yourself up over what was not done—no judgments or blame.

4. Prioritize. The most important skill to learn is prioritization. When you prioritize you become aware of what is important and what’s not.  Rearrange your list or highlight the most important things that you want to get done.

5. Know your limits. You have a limited supply of time and energy.  You can’t get everything done at the same time. When you say yes to something, you say no to something else. There is always a trade-off. Keep this in mind every time you choose to do something. Think of what you’re giving up and determine if it’s worth it.

6. Do one thing at a time. Eliminate the word multitasking from your lexicon and life and try to avoid distractions. Consider the following:

• Disconnect if you can. Switch off your phone, smart phone, internet connection…etc.
• Determine your end result.  Think of what you want to accomplish. Don’t sacrifice quality for the sake of efficiency.
• Forget about everything else.
• Focus and give the task your best effort and attention. This is where quality meets efficiency.

7. Use your resources wisely. Maximize the use of your time and energy. The best way to fully utilize your resources is to do less and have more time off. Consider:

• Taking frequent breaks to renew your focus and energy,
• Spending time alone every day to reflect,
• Asking others for help when you need it,
• Leveraging your connections and talents, and
• Delegating what is not worth your time and effort.

8. Stay organized. When you create a messy environment, you add more mess to your mind. A clean uncluttered environment helps you stay connected and mindful of what matters to you the most.

9. Review and revise your approach on a regular basis. Take time to reflect and refine your process to keep your work and life flow manageable and enjoyable. Here are a few pointers:

• When you need to add a new activity or task, determine where it fits on your scale of priorities. Is it important or not?
• Is there anything in your daily activities that you can eliminate or replace with something more enjoyable?
• Think of your time wasters—surfing the net, chatting, email, twitter. Are you OK with how much time you spend on such actives, or can you reduce it a little?
• If something you want to get done is not, can you rearrange your schedule to allow for completion?
• Do you add more items to your list than what you accomplish? If so, why? Update your list and reprioritize. Take out anything that is at the bottom of your list.
• Look at the not so important list and eliminate a couple of items that have been listed for a while. Set your intention to eliminate more items without adding anything new. Eventually this list will disappear and you’ll be left with only one list of what is important to you.

With time your list will start to get shorter and more focused towards what you really want to accomplish. You will feel lighter and at ease.

And the best indication of success is when you get what you want done and still have some free time on your hands. You realize then that you have mastered your time and managed your priorities.

Photo courtesy of h.koppdelaney

We all have been tempted at one point or another. From the subtle: new gadget that we don’t need, a sweet indulgence or a few minutes of extra sleep, to the outright harmful and dangerous: an extramarital affair or a burst of road rage.

Most of the time we end up regretting what we did or didn’t do. Sometimes guilt and shame emerge before we’re even done sapping the joy out of the most delicious indulgence.

We associate temptation with weakness, excess, being tested and challenged.  Temptation is the seductive devil—the dark side of our desires and conduct.

The other side of temptation

We hardly talk about the reasons we are faced with temptation. It is there because we attract it, knowingly or unknowingly.  There is an inner desire to prove something or compensate for what we perceive as lacking.

Think of what tempts you.

Take infidelity for example.  It can represent a desire to compensate for feeling you’re not getting enough attention from your partner or you’re with the wrong person. Or paradoxically, it can reflect self destructive behavior because at a deeper level, you feel you don’t deserve the partner you have so you screw up the relationship.

You can draw the same conclusions about any other excessive behavior and desire: overeating, alcohol and substance abuse,  laziness and inaction, overspending, not spending enough, explosive anger and so on.

Every temptation is rooted in us, not the outside world. No one or nothing is trying to test you and undermine your success. It is a sign that something is out of balance in your life.

What is temptation trying to tell you?

Here is an example. I have been avoiding exercising and choosing to spend my time doing other stuff (reading, Twitter, forums). I don’t need to lose weight but I do need to build up my strength and stamina.  My needs are not urgent or life threatening, so it’s easy to be tempted and avoid exercise.

In my attempt to understand my own temptation, I decided to have a conversation with it. I imagined it would go like this:

Me: Hi laziness. What’s up?

Temptation: Not much. You called me up saying that you can’t workout any more. So I’m here to accommodate you. To prove that you are right. You are not disciplined enough and won’t follow through with your workout program.

Me: OK so if I listen to you and not work out, what would happen next?

Temptation: Well, you succumb to my alluring power and then feel like crap.

Me: So when I feel like crap, you will go away.

Temptation: I think so. You won’t need me any more.  You will do just fine tormenting yourself without my help.

Me: Tell me. Why can’t I have the discipline to workout?

Temptation: Why do you need discipline to workout? How do you feel when you workout?

Me: I feel great. I have energy and motivation to make the best of my day.

Temptation: There you have it. What does discipline have to do with it?

Me: I realize now that whether I have discipline or not, I want to work out because it makes me feel good. So why would I replace feeling good with feeling bad?

Temptation: I don’t know you tell me.

Me: Self sabotage from doubts about my ability to keep going.

Temptation: You asked the questions and answered them.

Me: I’m not sure I’m convinced that I will work out because it feels good. I will get bored.

Temptation: Why do you get bored?

Me: Because I don’t like to keep doing the same thing.

Temptation: Define bored for me.

Me: Not feeling up to doing something because it’s not exciting. It is routine.

Temptation: Do you get bored when you’re on Twitter or reading? Are you trying to tell me that if you’re100% focused on what you’re doing, completely with it, regardless of what it is, you will be bored?

Me: I see now you’re trying to put mindfulness in the middle of it.

Temptation: I just have a hard time believing that if you were fully present, you won’t enjoy even the most mundane of routines.

Me: You’re full of wisdom, aren’t you?

Temptation: I’m only here because of you. So I’m only reflecting your own wisdom.

How do you deal with temptation?

Anastasiya—author of Balance In Me wrote a valuable guide on how to resist temptations. It provides detailed action steps to help you in resisting temptations. If you are the type that can resist, then go ahead and apply the advice in the article.

If you don’t have the will power or the desire to resist (like me), then keep reading.

5 simple steps to understand and deal with temptation:

1. Find your triggers for the temptation. Are you losing momentum? Are you getting bored? Do you need more attention? Are you trying to prove something?

2. Talk to your temptation. Dig deeper.  What is missing or out of balance in your life that you are trying to compensate for?

3. Reframe your own beliefs and behavior. Find other meanings and outcomes that challenge your view. This is how you shake deeply rooted beliefs. In my example above, I convinced myself that exercising is boring but reading and Twitter are not. The difference is I’m fully immersed in the experience when I’m reading, but not when I’m exercising.

4. Take action. Take powerful action. In my case I will start working out and be more mindful when doing it.

5. Let go of judgment. You don’t need to judge yourself for your past or for the thoughts of temptation. Move on and give yourself a break. If you do something you regret, don’t use it as an excuse to stop. Keep going and focus on your strengths and what you learned about yourself in the process.

You can deal with temptation in different ways. The most important thing is: remember that you are in control—always. You are the creator, even of the most enticing temptations in your life.

Photo courtesy of sansreproache

Life is about growth and evolution. With every generation, we advance in knowledge and improve our quality of life.

The best growth opportunities can be disguised as challenges and hard times. Would we be where we are today if we didn’t go through our own struggles in life?

What about the new generation? Would you want them to experience our pains and struggles to find their own path? Or would you want them to learn from our accumulated experiences?

My thought is: save our youth some time and give them a few pointers. Maybe they will take the advice. Maybe they won’t. But why not give them the opportunity to learn from our mistakes, and start their journey into adulthood from a more evolved place than we did?

If you stopped for a minute and thought about your life experiences and the lessons you learned so far, what would you want to tell the younger generation? What are the things you wish you knew when you were younger?

If I had a choice to communicate with every child in this world, in every language, I would want them to know the following:

1. No one is perfect.

Every human being makes mistakes. We all have something we don’t like about ourselves. The important thing is—accept this as part of being human. Don’t look for the flaws in your self or in others. Look for the beauty and ability instead, and your life will always be full of wonder.

2. Love is the most powerful thing we can give and receive.

Nothing can match the love you receive from your parents, your siblings and friends. You are most alive when you feel the love that connects you with other human beings. Love is our nature. Be love and give love. It is within you.

3. When you hurt someone, you hurt yourself.

When you make fun of someone, you will regret it later. When you physically hurt someone, the experience will haunt you. Making others suffer is never the solution. When you face a violent situation, try to find a peaceful way to deal with it. Be kind and see the kindness in others.

4. You are truly one of a kind.

You are complete the way you are. You are a unique person. Everything you need  to be happy is within you. You don’t need to impress any one or to explain yourself to others. Don’t expect others to have to explain themselves to you either.

Don’t try to fit in and don’t expect others to do it. When you try to blend in, you lose yourself and the joy in your life.

5. Listen to your gut feeling.

Do things that feel good and excite you. Don’t do anything that doesn’t feel right. Follow your heart. You are doing it now, so don’t stop doing it when you grow up.

6. Loss is part of life.

With life and love, there is always a chance to lose someone we love or something we enjoy. It is OK to go through these painful experiences. You will have people around you who will support you and give you the strength to move on.

7. You always have a choice.

Don’t do anything because you have to. Do things that you want to do. When you are a child you may not know what’s best for you. So you will follow the advice of adults. But when you grow up, you will have the wisdom to know for yourself. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

8. Make the most of every minute of your life.

Do one thing at a time and do it well. When you are doing anything, remember what it feels like now when you just enjoy coloring or playing games. Have a blast working and playing and make the best of every thing you do.

9. Forgive and let go.

When you make a mistake, don’t be too proud to admit your fault. Apologize to the other person if you can. Forgive yourself and let it go. Remember we are all human—there isn’t one human being out there who never made a mistake.

If someone hurt you, remember: they are human too and they make mistakes. Forgive them just as you would want them to forgive you.

If you tried something and it didn’t work out, learn from it and move on. There is no failure in life. Be grateful for the fun you had and the lessons you learned. Let go and move on to the next adventure in your life.

10. Give with all your heart.

When you are with your family or friends, give them all your attention. When you are helping others, do the best you can and give as much as you can afford. You can give money, spend time with others, or you can listen to someone who needs to talk. But the most precious gift you can give is: love.

Love everyone around you. It is contagious. The more love you give, the more you spread it around the world.

I have tried to use the simplest form of language possible, imagining that I’m talking to a six year old. The truth is: there is a child within all of us. The advice that reaches the depth of our inner child may have the biggest impact on our lives.

So don’t forget to reflect on your experiences with your inner child and all the children around you. This is how we change the world—one child at a time.

How about you? What lessons do you want to share with your younger self or the kids of today?

This post was inspired by fellow bloggers Abubakar and Haider. Thank you for the idea and the invitation.

Do you have a space in your home or at work that you’ve been meaning to organize for a while but you never seem to get to it?

For the past year, I’ve been wanting to organize my office space. Everything was tucked away. There was no clutter around and everything looked nice and tidy—on the surface. The closet was a nightmare.

The office setup itself wasn’t functional. I didn’t like using the space. Every time I wanted to do something, I wasted time looking for the stuff I needed. There was no system in place and there was a lot of crap.

I started this project estimating that it would take me a couple of days. Little did I know that, like every other project, doubling the time and effort is the minimum requirement. After 4 days I’m happy to say that mission is accomplished.

I am writing this article sitting at my desk and focusing on what I’m doing. It feels great.

Reflecting on the experience, I wanted to share with you a few tips to help you with your organizing efforts.

1. Just start. If you wait for the right time or to have a complete plan laid out before you do something, you will never get it done.  If your project has been nagging at you for a while, the best antidote is action. By starting, I mean go to the space you want to organize and take everything out. Once everything is out of its place, you will have to deal with it.

2. Work with what you have. Don’t wait to get this tool or that gadget. If you need something, you can get it as you progress: it would be a nice break and a change of routine. When I was organizing the closet, I needed some paint which I didn’t have. So I stopped, got the paint and then continued.

3. Find uses for the stuff you own. Don’t go buying stuff to replace what you have. Try to find a use for your stuff first. Sometimes you can organize your possessions differently.  You may also get creative in how you use your space. You will save money and put your stuff to better use. Everything in my office is from my home. I did not buy one new thing and I’m so thankful for that.

4. Things don’t have to be perfect. When you are working in your space, you will face challenges and might have to change some of your ideas or outcome.  Don’t get bogged down by minor details. Instead, focus on the improvements you have made so far.

After applying new paint in the office closet, I noticed that the color was a bit off from the original. I was tempted to go back and get an exact match for the paint and redo it. Then I thought to myself, my intention was to patch the walls and organize. This is not a paint job. So I moved on and accepted that the color is not perfect. The closet looks much better than when I started.

5. Keep only what you use. This is simple but not easy. Getting rid of what you don’t use is harder when you start thinking of what you could do with your stuff. If you are unsure whether to get rid of something or not, put it in a visible place and mark a date on it (say 8 weeks). If you use it before that time, great. If not,  get rid of it without even thinking about it.

6. Identify problematic thoughts and habits. What are the thought and behavioral patterns that you keep repeating? Are they adding more to your physical or mental clutter? Once you become aware of what you do and how it affects your space, try to do things differently to break the cycle.

For me I have this bad habit of wanting to document everything. So I keep files and papers for years. I hardly go back and look at them. I did not eliminate everything at this point but started a process to avoid adding more documents.

7. Create an ongoing maintenance process. When you deal with everything in your space, you will have a better understanding of what you have and how you got there. Take advantage of this knowledge and create a simple maintenance process that you can apply on a regular basis to eliminate the need for another big organization project.

Here is my process:

• No more paper. Keep only accounting and tax records required by law. Scan other important documents and throw out the rest.
• Every day go through a couple of old documents and shred.
• Don’t buy more folders or office supplies.
• Don’t buy new books until all the  books I have are read or disposed of. Eliminate two books per month.
• Start and end the day with everything in its place.
• Be aware of what is working and what is not. When something is not working, deal with it right away. Don’t put stuff in a box to deal with later.
• Simplify as much as possible. Continue to eliminate things that have not been used.

If you are interested to see images of my office space before and after,  check out this video (length 2:40).

There is an amazing feeling of lightness and relief after you get rid of stuff and make sense of what you have. You will also have a reason to celebrate your accomplishment;  you completed something you’ve been wanting to do for a while. If you have something you need to organize and simplify, go for it. Now is the best time.

I hope you found my experience useful. I would love to hear about your own experience with organizing and decluttering your space.

Is it possible for privileged socialites to live in abject poverty and complete isolation? Can you imagine living in a 28-room mansion in East Hampton and turning it into a squalid dump?

Two women managed to do just that. Their story is depicted in an HBO movie and a 1975 documentary called Grey Gardens. While the movie was entertaining, the documentary was painful to watch.

Both the mother and daughter were miserable and resented each other. The mother claimed the daughter couldn’t do any better and the daughter believed she had to drop everything she was doing to take care of her mother.

They were stuck in the same place, hiding behind their stories for decades. In the mean time, their quality of life continued to deteriorate and they became complacent to their deplorable living conditions.

Their journey made me realize how important our stories are in the way we live our lives.

Which comes first the story or the reality?

Most people think they experience something and then they form a story about it. This may be true when we are children. As we grow, we form certain beliefs (stories) about ourselves and everyone and everything around us.

The kicker is when we keep repeating the same stories to ourselves we tend to create or attract situations that reflect what we perceive as our own reality.

So in effect, your story creates your reality not the other way round.

If someone thinks they are a slob, their house is going to be a mess.

If someone thinks they can’t do something, they won’t.

When you think you don’t deserve what you want, you are not going to get it.

When we collectively think that our world is a mess, ridden with wars, disease and poverty, we plant the seeds of our fears.

What is your story?

If you stop for a moment and think about your life, what is your story? If you were to write about your life describing your inner most thoughts, fears, struggles, challenges and painful experiences what would you say?

Are you a victim? A martyr? Do your parents hate you? Do you consider yourself unlucky?

Write every description of yourself you can think of.

Think about your experiences and how your story showed up in your life. Count how many times you said to yourself “I knew it!”

You are hiding behind your story. We all do it at one point or another.

5 reasons to let go of our stories: What we can learn from Grey Gardens

Repeating the same stories has a huge impact in our lives.  Here are the lessons I took from watching the Grey Gardens women. Think of how they have affected you.

1. Not taking responsibility. Both mother and daughter never took responsibility for their own choices and actions. They blamed each other and the husband/father for his lack of financial support. When you think of yourself as a helpless victim, you can’t move forward. You will stay stuck waiting for others to change and come to the rescue.

2. Living in the past. For all the decades the two women spent living together, they lived in the past. The played old music records, rehashed the same stories and looked at pictures that were more than 30 years old. They escaped their present lives and compensated with memories.  Escaping to the past deprives you from experiencing true joy now and clouds your days with a false sense of wellbeing based on what was.

3. Inaction’s price tag. Inaction breeds more inaction. Just like consistent action builds momentum, consistent inaction is the foundation of complacency and stagnant or deteriorating conditions. In the case of Grey Gardens, the women just stayed at home and did nothing. They became okay with garbage piling up, raccoons and cats invading their space and accepted living with no running water.  Inaction is the number one killer of good habits. If you don’t do something for a while (like working out), gradually it will go unnoticed and you can kiss the habit goodbye.

4. Stunted growth. When I watched the documentary, the daughter was 56 years old but she acted like she was in her twenties. The mother was treating her like a child too. Because both of them were stuck in the same place and time stood still, they never grew as human beings. Their bodies showed signs of aging but emotionally and mentally they did not grow one bit. I would even say that their mental and emotional state worsened.

5. Emotional pain. Throughout the documentary both women were dwelling in what happened. They interrupted each other, yelled and complained.  Repeating the same stories over and over compounds the pain and resentment.  The mother and daughter had a bond of some sort but their interactions were not healthy and it made them both miserable.

I’m in no way condemning or judging the Bouvier Beale mother and daughter. Their journey is theirs; maybe part of it was for us to learn from their experience. If you haven’t watched the HBO movie or documentary, I highly recommend that you do.

Can you let go of the story?

What if you eliminated the story all together? If you were to take every statement you wrote about your journey so far and made a conscious decision to let it all go. What would happen?

Today can you just be you? No history, no attachment to certain events or experiences.

Who would you be without your story?

How would you feel? Are you lighter? Do you see things differently?

The stories are the accumulation of thoughts from one perspective—yours. They may be true to you but they may not be the complete truth. There might be other meanings and reasons that you are unaware of.

To live your life reading and repeating your stories undermines who you truly are and what you can become. You are not your thoughts, not your stories, not your experiences.You have a choice in every single moment to scrap the old story and start a new page, if not a page at least a paragraph or two.

So who would you be without your story?

Can you start rewriting a better more empowering story?

If you are looking for an article to give you specific guidelines on how to slow down to be more productive, please stop here. This post is about simple living, not working.

A growing number of us move through our days frazzled, not knowing when the day started or ended. Ask me what I had for dinner last night and I probably won’t remember. Why? Because it was uneventful … why? Because I ate fast and was reading while eating. This is not artful living. It is existing.

We live in a world where bigger is better, faster is cooler and more is never enough.

We travel the world seeking adventure, thinking these are the experiences worth having and stories worth telling. But once we come back home and go about our daily business, memories start to fade and we’re back to the same old song and dance of chasing time and juggling activities.

If the mega adventures can’t give us long-term satisfaction, what can?

An ongoing stream of meaningful daily experiences is what matters in the long-term. If you think of your life as the biggest adventure in the world, every little thing you do can become a memorable experience.

To add meaning to your life why not replace the mantra above with the following:

We can enjoy every experience where smaller is more memorable, slower is calmer and less is contentedly enough.

Slow living is an art because it allows for the expression and realization of the beauty, elegance and magnificence of life.

When you slow down, everything around you will have more meaning: you gain more clarity, you appreciate more and you live more.

Below is a sample of experiences that won’t cost you a lot of money. They will take more of your time. That is the point: slowing down and taking your time to enjoy your life. Read slowly and imagine how you will feel when you experience or do any of these activities. After reading, think of what other little things you can do that will add meaning and beauty to your life.

Taking a bath. Take a long bath instead of a quick shower. Experience the warmth of water and its soothing effect. Close your eyes and let your mind wander. Relax your body, breathe and let go.

A walk around the neighborhood. Walk slowly and notice the architecture. Think of the intelligence behind the design and the skill and effort that went into building every structure. Appreciate the smooth roads and walkways. Feel your feet as they touch the ground.

A supermarket adventure. When you visit the supermarket, don’t rush to buy what you need and leave. Look at your surroundings. Think of the creative process that went in to every product on the shelves. Think of the men and women who spend hours every day making sure that everything you need is available. Look—really look at the colorful produce and the variety of fruits and vegetables. It can be overwhelming … in a good way.

The beauty of noise and silence. Take some time and listen. Don’t mask the sound around you with loud music. Listen to the humming of engines, the soft sound of rain drops, the wipers squeaking back and forth. If you’re at home, listen to the ticking of the clock or the sound of air flowing through vents. Be one with the rhythm of life around you, even for a brief moment.

Savoring the taste. Food is not only fuel; it can be an indulgence. Share a meal with loved ones: relishing every taste, eating a little, talking a little, laughing and enjoying the conversation.

The magic of the local park. Taking a walk in the local park can be a very enlightening experience. Stopping at every tree, thinking about its age, its story and its contribution to life. How it can withstand the various weather conditions, how many people have passed it by. There are forms of life coming practically out of nowhere. You see all sorts of weeds sprouting in the harshest of conditions. There is beauty in the stillness of creation—even if it is unwanted sometimes.

Washing the car. It is better for you and the car to wash it by hand. Do it slowly. Notice how the water flows, how the suds clean and the car starts to shine. Take a moment to appreciate the brilliant design and the new technologies used in your car.

Playing games. The most fun I had last summer was when my brother and his family visited and we played cards and Jenga. Play at a leisurely pace. Have fun and connect with others.

Drinking a hot beverage. Sip slowly on a hot cup of coffee or tea. Savor the taste, feel the warmth and cherish the moments of stillness.

Waking up slowly. If you wake up at a certain hour every day, can you do it without an alarm? Wake up listening to the sounds of life around you or to the silence of the early hours. Stay in bed for a few minutes. Think about all the fun and brilliant things you can do today.

Stretch your body. Just like dogs and cats do—slowly and lazily. Do you see how relaxed they feel after? They take their time, no clock ticking, no appointments. Feel the energy of breath as you stretch and breathe.

Self reflection. The biggest most magnificent piece of creation that I am aware of is … you. Take a deeper look at you—your body, your mind, your abilities. Close your eyes and slowly feel the energy of life in your body. With every breath you take, life around you changes. Make it a daily habit to reflect on your days and appreciate the miracle of creation that you are.

The wonders of imagination. Creativity is an essential element of the human experience. Give yourself time to daydream and let your imagination run wild. Read books and stop to think about how the words are woven to create a story. Watch a movie and think of the vision and the collective collaboration that brought the written words into life.

Your life is yours to live. You can race through time in a frenzy or slow down to enjoy the small steps of your journey. The choice is always yours. You can own time or let it own you.

You may not be able to slow down all the time, but you can start now. Think slowly, breathe slowly, love slowly, get angry slowly.  When you slow down, life becomes more fascinating … more enjoyable and way more meaningful.

Photo courtesy of rolands.lakis

If we take a closer look and examine the creative process of the universe, we find a very distinct pattern. It starts with a violent big explosion generating unfathomable amounts of energy. Particles start to clump and form mass.  A lot of energy is used as various objects collide, merge, and destroy one another with lots of debris floating around.

This is how stars, planets and moons and  are born.  From the chaos and violence of messy explosions, come such unique beauty and order.

When I think of my own writing process, I find a great deal of similarity. Massive amounts of information and ideas explode in my head and get scattered all over the place. They roam violently in my mind and then on paper (or the computer screen). I get lost in the middle of this chaos and feel there is no way this is going to amount to anything.

Then my words take a life of their own. They collide, uniting or obliterating one another. The bigger more powerful thoughts swallow the smaller ones. Lots of words and ideas are thrown out of orbit.

As the process continues, something magical happens. Everything starts to fit together. Words slowly become sentences that in turn form paragraphs. Before I know it, my creation has come to life—I have a cohesive article.

We each have a mini universe within. We have the violent urge to create and the massive amount of energy to make it happen. Thoughts and ideas wander around in our heads. The trick is to recognize that this chaos is the foundation of any meaningful creation.

How can we transform the chaos into something meaningful? Inspiration from how the universe creates.

Start the process. The best time to create is now. Everything within you and around you is a creation. We are created and we are creators. We are in a constant stream of creation.  All you need to do is focus your ability to consciously create what you desire … now.

Play with your ideas (words, musical notes, brush strokes) and let them dance to physical form. The universe plays with Hydrogen and allows it to transform into various other gasses and physical matter.  You can do the same with your creative material. Work with your material and let the material work with you. Embrace the confusion and the mess. Play with it. Give it enough time and the beauty and cohesion will emerge.

Don’t throw out the leftovers. Just like debris in the universe, what you think is not useful today might be useful some other day. So keep your leftover ideas, drawings, compositions or snapshots somewhere out of orbit. You never know. One day they might come in handy or inspire another creation.

Accept that some of your creative efforts will die. Just like stars and planets do. If your final creation is not successful (based on your own definition of success), let it go. The death of one thing can be the catalyst for another creation to come to life.

Do not label outcomes. In the universe stars die and new ones form constantly. The universe moves along in silence. Nothing is good or bad …  just is. You can do the same thing with your own creation. Accept what is. You can morn the loss of a dead idea and celebrate the creation of a new one but don’t let your own existence and enjoyment of life depend on it. You are a powerful creator, with or without the outcome.

Create in solitude. Creation is mostly a solitary experience. You don’t see the stars having a party to form planets. Your own creation comes from the power within. You can be inspired by the beauty and elegance of your surroundings but you can only create from within.

Keep going. Billions of stars and planets are created and destroyed on a regular basis. Keep creating and recognize that creation is a constant process. The more you create the easier it becomes. You become the master of your creation,  just like life is the master of our creation. Through this perpetual creative process our universe expands and life evolves.

We all are creators. Some of us know it more than others. We each have within the ability to add more beauty and wonder to life.  When you create from the depth of your desires and being, whatever you create will be uniquely yours—just like everything in the universe originated from one source that manifested in countless unique forms and shapes, including us.

As I was enjoying myself last week in the backyard, this blog was one of the thousands that were hacked. I didn’t take the issue seriously, thinking there was nothing for me to do.

Fast forward a few days and I get a serious threat warning from my virus protection program about my site.  That got my attention. My response to the situation was far from enlightened and peaceful. I went through four phases of reaction before I got things under control.

Curiosity: I wanted to understand what happened and why. I spent a long time online trying to figure out how to deal with it. I remained in a neutral state until I found out how much damage was done. Most of the files were plastered with hacking code.

Guilt and self blame: I felt guilty that I didn’t address the issue earlier when I was warned about it. I also started getting angry at myself for not taking precautions and backing up my data and system files. This didn’t help much and almost, without effort, I moved on to the next emotion

Frustration: I started feeling angry at the people who did this. I didn’t understand why someone would go through this to screw with other people’s sites and information. I felt I was needlessly wasting my time and energy.

Fear: Starting to work on fixing the issue, I got some stuff done right but in the process I screwed up other things. So my situation was heading from bad to better, to worse, to better then to worst—I wasn’t able to access the site at all. Fear set in and I started freaking out.

This is when I realized that I need to revise my approach in handling the problem.

What can you do when you keep digging yourself deeper?

After spending two days dealing with the hacking problem and my own mishaps, I can sum up the steps that eventually helped me get over myself and deal with the issue as follows:

1. Recognize that you have an issue.

Knowing that you have a problem, and choosing to deal with it is the first step.  You need to step up and be willing to take the necessary action. I learned this the hard way.

2. Avoid trying to understand why.

I wasted so much time trying to understand why people would hack into my site or other people’s work.  I will never know the real reason…I am not them.

This applies to a lot of things when we don’t understand why people do what they do. I don’t understand why people shoot each other, why people abuse spouses and children and why we damage our environment.  We don’t need to understand the whys of others; we can only focus on what we can do.

3. Go through the emotions.

It is normal to feel guilty and to blame yourself or others. With that comes a myriad of other feelings like anger, frustration and fear.

Allow the negativity to pass through you; don’t resist. Cry if you need to. Write about it. Or  simply sit, close your eyes and feel the emotion, imagining it passing through your body.

Suppressing the negative emotions doesn’t do you any good. It actually makes them stronger. This is one of the main culprits in making a situation worse.

4. Remember: things can be much worse.

I kept reminding myself that what I was going through was nothing in the larger scheme of things. I am alive after all and have the ability to deal with the situation.

Think of your worst nightmare when it comes to the issue you’re dealing with. Can you cope with that?

5. Do one thing at a time.

When faced with an unexpected problem, it is easy to feel overwhelmed. The best thing is to start dealing with one issue at a time.

In my case, most of the mess I made was because instead of focusing on removing the bad code, I started messing with plug-ins and other stuff that I didn’t need to deal with. In time,  I got the bad code removed then re-established the links, removed the plug-ins and so on.

6. Move a way from whatever you’re doing when things seem to get worse or you feel tired.

This is the most important and difficult thing to do.  It is hard to step away when you feel you made a bigger mess than the one you started with. You may not be able to resist the temptation to ride it out and keep going when you’re in the middle of a problem.

But trust me stepping away is the most effective thing you can do to move forward.

With time, your mind gets tired and even bored dealing with the same thing. You need a break. If you don’t take some time off, you are bound to make more mistakes or keep going in circles not accomplishing anything.

7. Go back to the issue with fresh eyes.

You will come with a pair of fresh eyes and a renewed focus. This is when you can tackle what is left of your problem with ease and a new perspective.

In my case I had to force myself to take a few breaks—I had to eat and sleep after all . I solved all of my issues (without exception) after the breaks.

8. Repeat steps 6 and 7.

Do the above two steps until you are done, even if it takes you days. Don’t think that you’re in a race against time. It doesn’t help; it only adds to your stress.

It took me a couple of days to deal with the hacking situation and that is fine. Things have a funny way of taking their time to get sorted out.

9. Determine what you can change.

Now that you have dealt with your situation, how can you do thing differently in the future to reduce the chances of the same problem happening again?  Notice that I said reduce and not eliminate.  Nothing you do is a 100% guarantee. If someone is set out to find a loophole, they will find one. Your role is to make it more difficult for the same problem to arise again.

After getting my site up and running again, I created a simple system to back-up my files. I also reset all of my passwords and removed all of the cookies.

10. Find the silver lining.

It is hard when you’re in the middle of painful situation to find the good in it. But once you’re done, take some time and reflect. We learn and grow from every experience.

I learned the importance of backing up databases and how to do it. I updated my  files, learned how deal with a hack attack…who would’ve thunk!

Everything we face in life is an experience. Some we enjoy and others not so much. The important thing is to remember is… it’s just another experience… it will pass.

Photo courtesy of sburke2478

We live our lives absorbed in dealing with what is right in front of us: work, family, and what needs to get done. We worry, stress out, get sick and feel frustrated because we have so much to do.

A few of us stop every now and then to take stock and think of the big picture. What do we want to accomplish in the next year, five years or even in a life time? This is large scale thinking of living to our potential and making the best of life.

Even this grand view of our life is still myopic in the larger—much larger scheme of things. Every now and then, I start thinking about this view that is unfathomable to my tiny human brain… what is out there…where do we fit in the universe.

We are lucky to be living in times where science and technology have advanced so much. We have unprecedented access to the vast, insurmountable cosmos.

Where does our earth fit into the equation of the universe?

The list below might give you an idea of how vast our universe is.

• Earth is one of the smaller planets in our solar system with only one moon(Jupiter and Saturn have 62 moons each).

• Our star (the sun) is huge compared to the size of earth. About one million (1,000,000) earths would fit inside the sun.

• Our galaxy (the Milky Way) which includes our solar system is comprised of at least 200 billion stars like our sun (more recent estimates put the number close to 400 billion). So our entire solar system is 1/200 billionth of our galaxy. Our sun cannot be seen when looking at the Milky Way.

• The universe has 100 billion galaxies. So our galaxy is 1/100 billionth of the universe. If we would look at the universe, each galaxy would look like a small bright object (image below enlarged). The estimated number of stars in the universe would be 20 billion trillion (or 20 sextillion) stars.

• Where we fit into this equation: if our sun represents 1/20 sextillion, we can estimate that planet earth would be 1/million of that which would make our share of the universe to be …drum roll… 0.000000000000000000000000005%.

In effect from the universe perspective, earth almost amounts to nothing. Each human being is 1/6 billion of this nothing!

How does this view impact our lives?

Okay now we know we really don’t matter much in the largest scheme of things. So how is it going to change how we live? Below are a few reminders that I hope can make your living a bit easier. Feel free to share your views and insights.

We are one. Everything in existence, as we know it, originated from the same source of energy. We all came from mother big bang and what followed. Nothing is better or worse. Everything just is. This unifying view can help us in leading lives with understanding and appreciation, no judgment or use of force against anything or anyone.

Keep things in perspective. At the end of the day, considering the much grander scheme of things, nothing that we do or don’t do really matters. We can just be and take it easy. If we get things done or not, life still goes on as intended.

The universe does not revolve around us. We are a tiny part of a universe that is much larger than we can comprehend. The universe goes on and what unfolds is part of the cosmic evolution. Whether we like and accept what happens or not, it is going to happen. The only wise course of action for us it to accept what is happening and move on. And not to take things personally!

The universe is not perfect, nor should we be. The imperfection in the universe is what allowed creation and life to materialize in the first place. We can view our own imperfections as ways to express our uniqueness and creativity.

Every form of existence grows, contracts and eventually dies.  From the big bang to the immeasurable size of the universe, every physical form has a beginning and an end. Our planet will die at one point and so will our sun. This is part of the evolution of the cosmos.  Death from a cosmic view is not the end of life but rather the transformation of energy; the end of one form can be the beginning of another. Fearing death or fighting it is futile.

We don’t and can’t know everything. We are only a small, invisible, almost nonexistent, blip on the radar of the universe. As we continue to evolve and grow, we will gain more knowledge and understanding of the cosmos. This growth should come with the understanding that we may never know the real purpose of our evolution and life. We are here for a brief moment in time and space; all that matters is that we enjoy the ride and let the rest unfold in due course.

There is also the non-material element of existence that we may never be able to fully understand. How consciousness fits into the equation of creation is another matter.

All things considered I think it is wise to lighten up and not take things too seriously. We are part of an ever expanding carnival of energy; we are fortunate to be able to experience and participate in this magnificent cosmic dance.

I have been interested in self-help and personal growth for over a decade. It is an ever growing industry that promises us change and improvement.

How many books have you read about the subject? How many courses did you take? Did it work? Are you a developed person now?

Reading a good insightful book can be inspiring; it moves us to take action. But, unfortunately, the results are short lived. Before you know it, you’re back to the same old routine.

Even if you spend a month or two working on a course and doing the best you can, you will get results but they won’t last. Why is that?

You can’t be fixed

The whole premise with which we approach self development is that there is something wrong with us that needs fixing.  It is not the content of the advice offered, but our intent when we start reading and using the information.

The simple truth is you can’t be fixed because there is nothing wrong with you; you don’t need fixing.

Most of the self improvement work we do deals with the symptoms and not the root cause of what we are trying to improve. We go after advice seeking love, success, wealth and happiness.

The thing is, achieving all of the above won’t mean a thing of you don’t accept who you are. The biggest obstacle to personal growth is your limiting beliefs about yourself.

If you feel you are ugly and not worthy of love, you can do all the work in the world, and even if you find someone who genuinely loves you, you will eventually find something to push them away.

If you feel you are not worthy of wealth, you won’t get wealthy no matter how many seminars you go to or how many books you read and try to do what is offered.

The bottom line: if you don’t accept yourself, you won’t get any lasting results.

The cause of self limiting beliefs

I am no psychologist, but from what I’ve learned and read, your limiting beliefs and self image issues start at a very young age. By the age of 5 you have absorbed from your parents (or main caregivers) a lot of their views, thoughts and behavior.

As children we internalize and personalize everything. Life is all about us. So we blame ourselves for every negative situation and family dysfunction and carry it for years.

At that age, thoughts and feelings go in unfiltered and straight into the vault of your subconscious mind. They become the foundation of how you experience life.

Some of the most common beliefs and self image ones:

• I am not good enough
• I am not worthy of love
• I don’t have any value to offer
• I don’t deserve to be happy
• I am ashamed
• I feel guilty

It is a viscous cycle

Everything you experience in life is a reflection of your beliefs. In turn, your experiences reinforce and validate such beliefs. We go through life perpetuating the same beliefs and same experiences.

The way out of the cycle

In order to move forward in your life, you need to examine what are your habitual thoughts and beliefs about yourself. These guidelines can help to get you started.

Recognize: that you are not your beliefs. Your beliefs are only selective interpretations of certain events in your life that can bear other meanings. You can change your beliefs and thoughts. As an adult, you have a choice; you can believe anything you want to believe.

Responsibility: take responsibility for your life. Blaming others will not improve the quality of your life, nor give you a way out of what is causing you pain. Parents do the best they can. None of us comes with a user manual .

Awareness: whenever you are faced with a situation that you feel stuck or brings in you the same pattern of negative emotions, stop and observe what is going on within you. Just go through with the experience; don’t question it. As time goes by you will be able to see the pattern and then you can deal with it.

Question: when you identify certain beliefs about how you perceive yourself, question them. Find evidence of the opposite.

If you believe you are not smart, find examples of things that you did well.  Or find successful people that you believe have the same level of intelligence as you do. There is always more than one meaning to anything we experience.

Be kind to yourself. You don’t need to force something out of you or beat yourself up to start believing in something different. If you create resistance to your old patterns, they will stick with you even more.

Be willing to change. One of the most difficult things to do is to acknowledge who would we be without our story and pain. We form a strong bond with our history and it becomes a huge part of our identity.

Stepping out of this identity requires courage and willingness to change. Please note you are not changing who you are, but you are reframing your experiences and replacing negative painful feelings and beliefs.

Release: any negative emotions and painful thoughts. Allow them to go through you. You can write about how you feel and allow the emotion to show on paper or just simply sit and let the emotion take its course (don’t take it out on other people; it doesn’t help).  What you allow will be released with ease.  It is what you fight that sticks to you and prolongs your suffering.

The purpose of this post is to increase your awareness about what’s really holding you back. The transformation begins the moment you become aware of self limiting beliefs and recognize that you don’t need to be changed in order to be worthy of love, joy and success.

Where there is self-acceptance; growth and development become inevitable.

Photo courtesy of sissilove31