When it comes to size, the consensus is bigger is better—larger homes, bigger cars, fatter bank accounts, supersized meals—the list goes all the way to your dreams. I’m not going to rag on supersized possessions, attitudes or aspirations. What I would like to talk about today is the size of your action steps.

Is supersized action better than smaller  steps?

The short answer is no. If you would like to know why small actions and steps are better, keep reading for a small dose of inspiration.

Small makes up the fabric of most experiences. We tend to think of life as a big adventure with lots of wild rollercoaster rides. But in reality, our lives are made up of small steps that add up over time. The wild rides are no more than a blip on the radar of our lives. If you want to enjoy most of your life, you need to appreciate the small experiences from moments, hours, days, all the way to years and decades.

Small is the natural pulse of growth. Everything in life starts small and grows slowly over time. This also applies to intellectual endeavors. We learn and achieve by taking small action over an extended period of time. Nothing happens overnight.

Small is the road to big. No one climbs a mountain or creates an everlasting imprint in this short existence with one giant leap. What gets you there is consistent small action—one step at a time.

Small forms habits. Habits (good and not so good) are created and changed by taking small repetitive action.

Small maximizes learning. It takes short repetitive study sessions to learn a new skill or subject effectively.

Small is productivity’s best friend. If you want to kick your tasks’ ass, work in short periods of time by focusing on doing one simple small action at a time. You won’t only get things done, but you’ll do them well.

Small is doable. When you only think of the one small step you need to take, it is likely that you’ll do it right away. It would take you more energy to fret or procrastinate than to actually do it, so you get it done.

Small is memorable. Think of the experiences and memories that stand out in your mind right now. How many of them were from big adventures? For me, the most defining moments came from small daily experiences.

Small is manageable. When it comes to action, success and failure, it is easier to manage smaller steps, victories and setbacks than their larger overwhelming alternatives.

Small enhances mindfulness. When you’re focused on a single small action or experience, you give it your full attention and being—you become one with your action in this moment. Mindfulness is nothing but continued focus on the small now.

Small leads to excellence. This is a byproduct of short powerful focus and consistent mindful small actions.

Small is commitment friendly. You can commit to doing one simple task that takes you 10 to 20 minutes much easier than committing to something that takes you hours to do.

Small makes it easier to adapt. Gradual smaller steps are easier on the mind and body. They won’t fight back because the change is so small, you won’t abruptly break out of your normal routine. Instead, you’ll build up momentum over time. This is how lasting change takes effect.

Small is calmer. You’re not going to stress out over doing something for 15 minutes. You won’t feel overwhelmed by the size of any project.  You simply break it down to its core tasks, then you focus on the first small task without worrying about the rest.

Small is easier to navigate. When you’re taking small gradual steps, you can see where you’re stepping and where you’re going. You don’t need to look far, just this step and the one after. When you get there, you’ll know what to do next.

Small makes it easier to ask for help. You’ll be more inclined to ask for help when you need a small favor. If you need major help, break it down and ask for the smaller parts first.

Smaller steps can be your road to achieving anything.

A small number of projects and a few tasks done well are much better than an overload of tasks and projects that pile up and never get done.

One or two projects, one or two tasks and one or two hours a day is all you need to start acting on what gives you meaning and joy in your life.

To your success, one small step at a time!

Photo courtesy of James Emery

Failure is scary. Who wants to face loss and admit defeat?

As much as we try to avoid failing, it is an essential part of experiencing life. We can’t always be expected to do the right thing and get the right results. Something goes wrong and we end up with results far from favorable.

With this comes a hefty price tag. We can lose our livelihood, relationships, an opportunity or simply sustain a blow to our ego.

The most expensive cost of failure though is our reluctance to move forward. We tend to freeze where we are, sulk and wallow in our own pain. This state doesn’t help. It keeps us from connecting with our power to overcome and we miss out on learning and growing from the experience.

The other side of failure

You probably heard Thomas Edison’s infamous saying: “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

What we learn from our failure can be priceless. Sometimes the only learning opportunity comes from experience, even if it’s not what we want or expect.

The most interesting thing about failure is that it is in direct relation to our actions. So not only are we responsible for what we did, but also it is completely within our ability to turn it around—or at least try.

Looking at failure as the cost of opportunity to achieve or learn something can be liberating and makes it easier to accept the outcome and move on.

A peaceful approach to dealing with failure

When things don’t work out and unfavorable outcomes start piling up, we need to stop and take a breath to determine where we’re at and how we got there. It is necessary to do this before fear and all sort of negative self defeating thoughts start creeping in.

As I write this, I’m dealing with a few investments that are not doing well and the losses are piling up. I started with the process below that I hope can be useful to you.

1. Accept that things are not working.

There is nothing wrong in admitting that your action did not produce the anticipated results.  You can call it failure or something else. The important thing is to become aware of the situation and internally accept that what you did is not working.

It took me awhile to accept that some of my investing decisions were not working for me. At the beginning, I looked at the numbers and thought things will get better, but they didn’t—they got worse. It was time to accept the fact that I haven’t made the best of decisions.

2. Evaluate the course of action you took.

What you are doing is not necessarily wrong, it’s just not working for you. Take time off and reevaluate.

What and why did you make the decision in the first place?  Would you make the same decision today? Or did the circumstances change?

I answered the above questions for every investment on my losses list. I determined if I would still buy them today or let them go.

3. Weigh your options.

Once you’ve determined the reasons for taking action in the first place and how you got there, it is time to think about what action you can take today to deal with your situation.

In the case of my investments I had a choice of doing nothing and riding it out, selling at a loss or averaging my cost down by buying additional shares at a lower price.

4. Make a decision.

Based on your options above, decide what course of action works best for you now. Be clear about what you want to achieve. Make sure that your decision is coming from a calm and composed state—not from fear or a bruised ego.

After a failed attempt, it is easy to fall into a pattern of avoiding any decision making. After all, if we don’t decide, nothing can go wrong. Indecision can complicate the situation making the outcome harder to deal with. It is best to face the music and move on.

In my investing example, I started researching every stock on my losing list and made a decision to buy more, hold or sell.

5. Do it.

If you made a decision then it is time to act and do it. If you don’t, you will continue to deal with negative outcomes that will compound your fear and anxiety.

If your decision was to do nothing, commit to it. In this case, your action is to stick to your initial decision as the best option for you now.

In my losing investments example I sold one stock and decided to hold the rest, ignoring market jitters.

6. Revisit if or when needed.

If your new decision works out better and you are moving forward, then good for you. If not, repeat the process and determine what you can do today.

With every experience, we become more aware of how and why we act. With this knowledge, we can make better decisions.

7. Embrace the freedom of making mistakes.

If after all your attempts, things still aren’t working out, be grateful for the opportunity and consider dropping the entire project. It might not be the right fit for you.

Having the freedom to decide and act is a blessing and a privilege. Make the best decisions you can and be grateful for the chance to do so—even if you fail or make a few (or more than a few) mistakes.

If you have failed lately, give yourself a pat on the back for having the courage to do something and commit to it.

And don’t forget to look at the overall picture. If one thing didn’t work out but the rest is fine, keep what you perceive as failure within the context of your larger achievement.

When you undertake something new, things can work out or not. The potential for failure is embedded in every experience. The trick is to allow failure to be your compass in finding your way to success.

Photo courtesy of Mackenzie Greer

Let’s start right away. I want to eliminate anything that can distract you from finishing this post.

• Do you feel like you want to do a million and one things this instant?
• Do you lack the ability or desire to stay with your task till you complete it, including the simplest of tasks?
• Do you feel unmotivated to start on something that you really want to accomplish?
• Are you easily distracted and everything in the entire world seems more interesting than what you’re doing?
• Are there things you need to do that remain undone because there is no outside pressure/deadline to force completion?

If you answered yes to any or all of the above questions then you are a scattered brainer.  Welcome to the club . There is nothing wrong with being distracted every now and then, or not even getting anything done. But when it becomes a constant in your daily life, you can fall into a stressful trap of avoidance, or worse, trying to catch up and make up for lost time.

I have been implementing the tips below to deal with my scattered brain. I’m slowly regaining my focus and brain power. Hope you find these tips useful. Try to work with as many of them as you can.

1. Know what you want to do and prioritize.

This is the most obvious and probably one that is listed in every productivity book and article out there. The importance of this step cannot be overstated.

If you don’t know what you want and stuff is just floating in your head, you’ll never get the satisfaction of doing anything. So yes make a list of everything that is on your mind. Then Prioritize—with a capital P. This is where you get to tell your brain to stop fretting about the small stuff and focus on what is really important.

2. Break it down and keep it simple.

Once you have your list and you determine your top two or three tasks, choose one to start with and break it down to the simplest form of action. Every step should not take more than 15 to 30 minutes to complete. If it takes longer, break it down further.

The smaller the task, the less time it takes to get done, the more you’re likely to stick with it. This is a good way to tell your brain to just stay with it for 15 minutes.

3. Start and do it slowly—one task at a time.

Don’t try to speed thing up in an effort to save time. This triggers your brain to drift to what you want to do next instead of what you’re doing right now.  Your brain can focus on one thought at a time, so make it about what is right in front of you. Do things slowly and deliberately. You will feel much better once you complete your task.

4. Take breaks.

Don’t be tempted to work nonstop for hours on end. This will lead to burn out and you won’t have enough motivation to start again.

After completing a 15-30 minute task, take a break and do something fun. You can stretch, move, read an article or whatever you feel like doing. Just don’t take too long. I would suggest 5-10 minutes.

Once you complete 4 tasks, take a longer break—an hour or so. This is your free time to do whatever you like—guilt free.

5. Learn to focus.

If you want to have laser sharp focus, you need to learn how to meditate and do it.

Meditation is becoming more mainstream now and is really easy to do. You don’t need to spend an hour. Start with a few minutes and move up to 15 – 30 minutes.  Do a search and pick a breathing or mantra meditation. The most important thing is to train your brain to relax, and focus on one thing (the mantra or your breath).

6. Ditch your clock/watch. Work in intervals.

Forget about the clock and don’t obsess over time. It doesn’t matter when you start working on something. Use a timer and set it to the estimated time to complete your task (an interval of no more than 30 minutes). Start the timer and go for it. Don’t stop until your time is up. Take a break and repeat.

Focus on working and getting your tasks done, regardless of what time it is. This way you are guaranteed to work instead of finding excuses to postpone things till tomorrow, when you can work on them bright and early.

7. Don’t do anything else until your interval is done.

Don’t do anything else while your timer is running for a specific task. If it is something that requires inspiration (like writing) and you can’t seem to find any, just sit still and think about the task until your time is up.

Don’t be tempted to do something else because you can’t seem to get started on the task at hand. Sooner or later inspiration will come—you’ll be surprised by how effective five minutes of silence can be in sparking your genius.

8. Keep going.

If you fall off the wagon, just pick up and start again. There is no reason for you to give up. Review what you did and what went wrong, learn from it and move on to your next task or interval.

Remember: practice makes improvement.

9. Power down and reboot.

Give yourself free days to enjoy yourself away from tasks and to do’s. Keep it free and don’t commit to anything new. This is a time for you to relax, have fun and spend time with your loved ones.

Use your off days to unwind and empty your mental cache. Don’t try to squeeze in anything else. After a break, you’ll feel energized and motivated to get back to your tasks.

10. Make it fun.

Embrace your playful inner child and use your imagination to make the best out of every task. Even the most mundane thing can be fun and entertaining.

When you are working on a task, imagine that someone is watching you and commenting on how brilliantly you’re working. Or that you are trying to set a world record, or break your own. You can have a conversation with yourself as you work … you get the picture.

Your results depend on where you choose to put your focus and energy. So do what gives you the most effective results in the most enjoyable manner. Once you get going and you keep going, there is no turning back—things get easier and you start harnessing more of your mental power.

Photo courtesy of David Goehring

It’s not my fault. He did it. Don’t blame me; she’s the one who can’t seem to get anything done.

Sound familiar?

To me it’s all too familiar. We grow up learning to blame others. In the beginning, we do it to please our parents. Then it becomes part of daily living. We turn into victims and whiners.

The enlightened amongst us take responsibility for their actions and thoughts. Personal responsibility is a good start. But what about the rest of creation? Whose responsibility it is?

Wars, famine, violence, political instability, poverty and so many other things in our world happen every day. We view them as out of our control.  It’s the giant corporations, the industrial complex and politicians who are responsible—not us.

In our attempt to feel better and have a sense of involvement to change things we donate to charitable causes, sign petitions, maybe write about an issue or simply complain about it. This absolves us from any further guilt—we did our part.

Has our world really changed much because of our so-called involvement? Is that all we can do? Why do we still have the same issues? With every war, more anti-war demonstrations take place, yet the war itself causes more devastation.

There has to be a better way to change what we don’t like without resistance, reaction or complacency—a more powerful yet gentler way.

Responsibility from a broader perspective

Let’s take a more radical approach to responsibility. What if I told you we are responsible for more than our own actions and thoughts? We are responsible for everything and everyone in our world. Your entire world is your creation.

How can you be responsible for everything?

Everything you experience within the field of your awareness is a projection of what’s within you. If you don’t like what you’re experiencing, the problem is not what’s out in the world, but what’s within you.

This is what Dr. Len proved when he healed an entire ward of criminally insane patients. He didn’t see the patients. He just studied their charts and looked within to see how he created their illness.  As he worked on himself, his patients began to heal.

Your true change starts when you take responsibility for your entire life and not just aspects of it. When you focus on your part in creating your life experiences, you move from blaming others and complaining to personal action. You’re not a victim but a creator. From this perspective comes the true power of transforming the world—your world.

How to practice radical responsibility

Being fully responsible for everything can be a hard concept to grasp. Start gradually and be kind to yourself. Consider the following:

1. Heal yourself.

If you want to change the world, you have to heal your life. You can do this by looking inward, finding the discord/disease in yourself. Don’t try to resist your thoughts and emotions. Embrace them instead and greet them with love and understanding. The most powerful thing you can do is to forgive and love yourself—only from this place, you can heal yourself and your world. Dr. Len was able to cure the patients by simply repeating ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘I love you’ when he was looking at his patients files—the ward was closed consequently.

2. Drop expectations.

Radical responsibility means dropping our expectations and accepting others’ actions or current circumstances as information or feedback. If someone did something, great. If they didn’t, you can consider other options. Remember you are responsible for everything and everyone—no one else is.

3. Act from a place of power.

When you really want something done and no one else is doing it, do it yourself. Act  from a place of love in a calm and controlled manner. If you want the house to be clean and no one in your family is doing it, start cleaning yourself. It is the most straightforward way to get something done without blame or resistance.

4. Recognize your ability to choose.

You always have a choice in every situation and relationship in your life. To continue with the same example, if your house isn’t clean, you can clean it yourself, you can hire someone to clean or you can just leave the place as is. The choice is yours. Nagging, guilt tripping and arguing hardly work. They end up being a waste of time and energy.

5. Embrace challenges as opportunities.

Whenever you are faced with an experience you don’t like, start looking within. It is a sign that you need to deal with something in your life. Resisting what is or trying to complain and blame will aggravate the situation. This is an opportunity to heal what is troubling you.

6. Make stillness part of your daily life.

If you spend your day moving from one thing to another, you won’t get a chance to even notice what is not working in your life. Constant doing and reacting without time out to reflect can be the cause of what is wrong in your world.  Be still for a few minutes every day and reflect on what you don’t like and your responsibility in creating it.

7. Practice gratitude.

It is tempting to just keep going, and not take notice of what is working in your life. If you can’t recognize the good, how can you improve anything? Appreciating what you have in your world is a great way to move forward and continue to create positive experiences.

True transformation begins with you. Gandhi said be the change that you want to see in the world. To be this change look within and do it with love—heal your world.

Photo courtesy of Robbert van der Steeg

“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper.” ~Friedrich Nietzsche

What is the first thing that comes to mind when you think of family?

Belonging?

Connection?

Stress?

Dysfunction?

Or all of the above and then some?

Family relationships can be a touchy subject. For me, I considered my relationship with my immediate family reserved and/or dysfunctional. As for the extended family, a relationship was almost nonexistent.  I didn’t think it mattered much. Little did I know.

In the past few weeks I got a chance to meet members of my family that I’ve never met before. And I’m so glad I did. Since they came and left I had a chance to reflect on the experience and how it changed my life—in a very good way. Here are some of my thoughts.

Every individual is unique. Regardless of how much you think you know about someone because of their parents, heritage or upbringing, they are still their own person. Don’t judge someone thinking the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Sometimes it does and it falls way too far.

Genetics matter big time. You may not see some of your traits in your siblings or parents. But move to your aunts, uncles and cousins and you will find yourself there.   Some of your most defining characteristics can be inherited. I am more understanding and accepting of who I am now because of what I saw in my cousin and how similar we are.

Blood is thicker than water. My cousin and I grew up worlds apart. Our mothers are sisters but they didn’t get along for most of their adult lives. So we didn’t know each other. We’ve heard of one another and that was it. When my cousin visited, we stayed up most nights talking till 3 or 4 in the morning.  Our connection felt so organic.

When you share the same blood and background with someone, the bond is stronger. I can’t explain it. It just is. It’s like they are an extension of you.

Reach out—you have nothing to lose. If you haven’t met someone from your family, try to contact them. The odds may not be great in befriending a family member, but it’s worth a shot.  I found one in 44 of my cousins. And that one is worth every single minute I spent dealing with others. If you don’t connect with anyone, you can let it go knowing that you tried.

You don’t have to stay in touch if you don’t want to. The opposite of reaching out can be true too. If there is no connection, don’t force yourself to deal with someone because you share the same family name or traits. Connection first, family second. Don’t guilt yourself into keeping up with family demands and drama.

Embrace the change. When you find a meaningful bond with someone, nourish the new relationship—don’t take it for granted. Such a connection is rare to find so don’t sacrifice it for the sake of getting back to your normal life. Your life is not the same anyway.

Balance expectations. Understand others’ expectations and what you can and can’t do. When someone is coming for a visit and you don’t know much about them, ask. Don’t assume they will take care of things when they get here—especially if they don’t speak the language.

No regrets. It is tempting to wish things were different. Part of me wished that my cousin and I had met earlier—how things would’ve been different. Acknowledge the thought and let it go on its way. Focus on what you have right now and be thankful for that. Let gratitude for what you have guide you.

Cherish the time you spend together. From a grateful state comes a sense of aliveness and awareness of the eternal now. The most memorable things are not usually the big adventures but the little things that touch the depth of your soul. For me it was the time my cousin and I spent talking and sharing our most intimate experiences.

Let things flow naturally. Don’t force conversations or try to find out more about someone out of a sense of obligation or to avoid awkward moments. There is nothing wrong with silence—it can be a comfortable pause. Don’t turn every conversation or interaction into a plan of action with things to do and points to discuss. Allow experiences to flow the way they’re meant to.

When it comes to family, you never know. Sometimes out of the darkest situation comes the brightest light. This was my experience with meeting my cousin. She is a bright light in my life and will always be.

Meeting new people can be scary. For every cheerful and expectant hello there is a painful goodbye.  Your loved ones will come and go but they leave behind part of them in a gift, a picture, a fragrance that lingers, a shared experience and more importantly an everlasting bond—and this makes the painful goodbyes worth it.

When you open your home and your heart to your family, your space and heart expand.  Life will never be the same—it will be much better.

Meeting my cousin is the best thing that has happened to me this year. I’ve never felt this connection with any other family member. This experience has touched me deeply and profoundly—I’m not the same person I was less than a month ago. And for that I’m so grateful.

“Having a place to go – is a home. Having someone to love – is a family. Having both – is a blessing”. ~Donna Hedges

Photo courtesy of shoothead

Do you view life as one big competition and winning as the ultimate achievement?

We all have been programmed to want to win. And for us to win, someone else has to lose. We spend a large part of our lives competing, if not with others, with ourselves. Even when we speak of teamwork, it is about our team beating another.

Competitive living can be exhausting and quite demoralizing to the losing party. This collective way of living is rooted in scarcity and lack. We have to get something before someone else beats us to it. Fearful thinking can lead to unethical behavior, hasty decisions and ineffectual, if not disastrous, results.

Is there an alternative to competitive living?

There is always an alternative. Instead of competitive thinking why not think in creative and collaborative ways?

You might ask: how can you collaborate with your competitors? My answer would be why do you consider anyone a competitor? What if you viewed everyone as a co-creator? You are creating your life and everyone else is doing the same—creating their own.

Is it possible? Yes it is. Look at how bloggers are leading the way.

Bloggers’ collaborative revolution

I thought I knew a lot about bloggers and blogging—little did I know. My learning started after creating this blog and connecting with bloggers on a daily basis. I am not talking about giant corporate blogs. I’m talking about individuals—like you and me. Every blog is the creative child of one individual, which makes it exceedingly personal.

How are bloggers supporting each other? Here are a few ways that I have experienced in my journey so far.

Comments

If you read blogs on a regular basis, you will notice that most of the commenters are bloggers. You might think they are doing it to gain exposure. This is partially true in case of very large blogs. But for the most part it is to network and support each other’s work—to be part of a larger conversation.

Writing about other bloggers

Bloggers link to each other’s work and expand on articles with their own views. They also interview each other and share their success stories with their readers. They aim to be of help to their readers and fellow bloggers at the same time.

Promoting others on social networking sites

Bloggers tweet and bookmark other bloggers’ posts and ideas. They spread the message by sharing it with a larger audience.

Guest posts

It is common practice for bloggers to guest post on other blogs. They write original content geared towards the readers of the host blog. This form of idea exchange gives the guest poster exposure to a new audience and provides readers of a host with fresh material.

Taking it to a whole new level: 1+1 = 3

This form of collaboration capitalizes on the success of each blogger and raises it to a completely new level by combining the talents to create something more powerful. Here are two examples.

1. The Daily Brainstorm—massive blogazine

The Daily Brainstorm is a an aggregator site/online magazine that showcases quality articles from more than 80 contributors and guest posters—ranging from the very famous and experienced to the up and coming writers.

The power of the collective helps each individual blogger gain exposure and experience. The reader finds many useful and interesting articles on various topics and by different authors in one place. Please check it out and subscribe. You won’t regret it.

2. The A-List Blogging Bootcamps & Club—joint and collaborative business ventures

This venture is an example of collaboration in the business of blogging. It was started by Leo Babauta of Zen Habits and Mary Jaksch of Good Life Zen. They offer training programs as well as a membership site where bloggers can network and help each other out.

Being a member of the A-List Blogging Club I can attest to this powerhouse alliance. If you’re interested in joining the revolution by starting your own blog or being part of a supportive community, the A-list Blogger Club is the place to be. Click here for more info.

Bloggers are a unique breed of creatives. Every blogger is a leader with a unique voice and a cheerleader supporting other bloggers—his or her credo is: when you empower others, you empower yourself.

Now imagine a world where people from all walks of life supported and inspired the best in others—a world of abundance, beauty and life to all.

The creative collaborative revolution is not exclusive to blogging. You can start in any field.  All it takes is the willingness to work with others, inspire and be inspired.

Viva la revolution!

I have been quiet for the past 3 weeks. I only wrote one article and hardly visited my favorite blogs. It is because I had family visiting from Europe. In the beginning, I tried to play catch-up but it didn’t work. So I decided to just go with what was right in front of me—and what mattered the most—family.

Now that my visitors have left, I can start getting back into my normal way of doing things. It is tempting to want to do everything at once, or to feel overwhelmed and start avoiding and resisting. I have work to do, articles to write, financial reports to analyze and a ton of reading. Instead of trying to go back, I am moving forward—one step at a time.

When you get a break from your normal daily activities, the hardest part is to start again. How do you get back into the groove of your life without stress or resistance?

The simple answer is slowly and peacefully. Here is what I am doing to go back to my routine. Please share your thoughts and experiences in the comments. I’d love to know how you handle life’s interruptions.

1. Do a complete brain dump.

I am a big fan of a clear mind—and it shows in most of my writing. Write everything that comes to your mind either on paper, white board or on your computer. The moment you start writing, your to-do’s start to form and the mental noise begins to fade.

2. Choose 2 things you really want to get done.

Yes just two action steps. Highlight your items or write them on a separate piece of paper and scratch them out from your big list.

3. Start working on your items—slowly.

For example the most two important things for me are: (1) write one blog article and (2) read and analyze one report (as a possible investment option). That’s it.

You only have two things to do, so take your time and relax. Do it well and don’t think of anything else. Focus on the doing and forget about results.

4. Manage interruptions.

If you have to deal with emails or phone calls, designate a time slot to do so and stick to it. You can clear some of your messages after you complete your first task and before you move on to your second action item. Don’t allow the mundane to stand in your way. Use a timer if you have to. If you’re not done, you can get to it in the next break or the next day.

5. Start with the most recent communications.

If you are returning phone calls or responding to emails, start with the most recent messages. You’ll be amazed by how much stuff sorts itself out in your absence.

Again, do it slowly. You don’t have to respond to 50 emails. Just pick the top 5 and clear those out.

6. Spend time doing what you enjoy.

This may sound counterproductive but you do need a boost of energy and inspiration every now and then. So don’t forget to read your favorite blogs, listen to music, exercise, or do something fun.

Use step 5 and focus on the most recent publications, if what you read is updated frequently. Don’t stress yourself by trying to read 10 articles. Instead, pick two. Next day pick another two and so on.

What brings you joy keeps you connected to your interests and passions—to your truth.

7. Chart your progress.

Once you know what you want to do, follow through and mark it as done. Nothing will motivate you more than accomplishing what’s most important to you.

When you keep track of what you’re doing, you become more aware of how you use your time and energy. If you are getting good results, you keep going. If not, change course and refocus.

8. Let momentum take over.

If you continue to focus on just two items and getting them done, you will build momentum. Consistent action is the muscle of momentum. Once momentum builds, you become unstoppable. You will keep going without the need for motivation or outside pressure. All you have to do is just keep at it—two tasks at a time.

9. Don’t over-commit.

Once you’re back, demands start to pile and pressure starts to build. Don’t take on more than you have—unless you absolutely have to. In this case, push one or two things further down your list.

Commit less and do more and in no time you will be on top of your game.

10. Allow your mind and body to adjust.

At certain times, you will feel inner resistance or you may feel you’re moving at a slower pace than usual. Your mind got used to a new routine and now you’re trying to pull back. Your body may do the same.

Instead of forcing yourself by using will power to get back to normal, ease into it. When you feel resistance, stop for a minute, breathe and remind yourself that you are only working on two things and then you can take a break.

The best way to stay clear of the two extremes – overdoing and avoidance—is to start slowly, build momentum and ease back into your daily life. Before you know it, you’ll get back to your normal rhythm.

We often make a conscious effort to catch-up on our work and other aspects of our lives after time off. There is this burst of energy after a vacation or an unexpected interruption to speed things up and get things done.

But what if catching up becomes more than an occasional occurrence? What if it becomes part of your daily routine?

In today’s 24-7 connectivity, we’re inundated with numerous demands. It is very easy to keep adding more to your daily schedule—more communication, more demands, and way more expectations.

You feel stuck in a rut of doing more but getting less results.  You keep doing this day in and day out feeling anxious, tired and drained—barely coming to the surface to catch your breath. Eventually you fall into productivity oblivion; burnout sets in and avoidance becomes the main coping mechanism.

Avoidance is the number one action and motivation killer.  It comes with a hefty price tag: added mental and physical stress, and exacerbating self limiting beliefs.

Why don’t you stop trying to catch up and start over now?

Instead of continuing to struggle with balancing your past demands with your present abilities and time, try to do things a little bit differently. Make a conscious decision to stop chasing time and playing catch-up.

Today is a new beginning. Keep an open mind and realize that there is no magic formula that works for everyone or everything.  The guidelines below can be a good starting point.  Give them a try, use what works for you and ignore the rest.

1. Accept where you are now. You have fallen behind and feel overwhelmed; you’re struggling to catch-up. Go with the feeling and move from a place of acceptance. You are dealing with your life demands instead of avoiding them. Make a conscious decision to start over now. No rush, no pressure, no regrets.

2. Write things down. This is the most obvious step. It is worth mentioning because it is the the best way to start feeling calmer and putting things into perspective. Things do look much worse in our heads than on paper.

When you write everything down, you create space in your mind allowing creativity and insight to guide you.

3. Look at your list. Really look at it. Take time to think and reflect on each item on the list.

• How did it get there?
• Why do you need to do it?
• What would happen if you didn’t do it?

After answering the questions above, remove any items that won’t make a difference. If you feel uncomfortable taking something off your list, create a new list for the not so important things. At least it won’t be in your face nagging at you every day.

Remember it is a new start so don’t beat yourself up over what was not done—no judgments or blame.

4. Prioritize. The most important skill to learn is prioritization. When you prioritize you become aware of what is important and what’s not.  Rearrange your list or highlight the most important things that you want to get done.

5. Know your limits. You have a limited supply of time and energy.  You can’t get everything done at the same time. When you say yes to something, you say no to something else. There is always a trade-off. Keep this in mind every time you choose to do something. Think of what you’re giving up and determine if it’s worth it.

6. Do one thing at a time. Eliminate the word multitasking from your lexicon and life and try to avoid distractions. Consider the following:

• Disconnect if you can. Switch off your phone, smart phone, internet connection…etc.
• Determine your end result.  Think of what you want to accomplish. Don’t sacrifice quality for the sake of efficiency.
• Forget about everything else.
• Focus and give the task your best effort and attention. This is where quality meets efficiency.

7. Use your resources wisely. Maximize the use of your time and energy. The best way to fully utilize your resources is to do less and have more time off. Consider:

• Taking frequent breaks to renew your focus and energy,
• Spending time alone every day to reflect,
• Asking others for help when you need it,
• Leveraging your connections and talents, and
• Delegating what is not worth your time and effort.

8. Stay organized. When you create a messy environment, you add more mess to your mind. A clean uncluttered environment helps you stay connected and mindful of what matters to you the most.

9. Review and revise your approach on a regular basis. Take time to reflect and refine your process to keep your work and life flow manageable and enjoyable. Here are a few pointers:

• When you need to add a new activity or task, determine where it fits on your scale of priorities. Is it important or not?
• Is there anything in your daily activities that you can eliminate or replace with something more enjoyable?
• Think of your time wasters—surfing the net, chatting, email, twitter. Are you OK with how much time you spend on such actives, or can you reduce it a little?
• If something you want to get done is not, can you rearrange your schedule to allow for completion?
• Do you add more items to your list than what you accomplish? If so, why? Update your list and reprioritize. Take out anything that is at the bottom of your list.
• Look at the not so important list and eliminate a couple of items that have been listed for a while. Set your intention to eliminate more items without adding anything new. Eventually this list will disappear and you’ll be left with only one list of what is important to you.

With time your list will start to get shorter and more focused towards what you really want to accomplish. You will feel lighter and at ease.

And the best indication of success is when you get what you want done and still have some free time on your hands. You realize then that you have mastered your time and managed your priorities.

Photo courtesy of h.koppdelaney

We all have been tempted at one point or another. From the subtle: new gadget that we don’t need, a sweet indulgence or a few minutes of extra sleep, to the outright harmful and dangerous: an extramarital affair or a burst of road rage.

Most of the time we end up regretting what we did or didn’t do. Sometimes guilt and shame emerge before we’re even done sapping the joy out of the most delicious indulgence.

We associate temptation with weakness, excess, being tested and challenged.  Temptation is the seductive devil—the dark side of our desires and conduct.

The other side of temptation

We hardly talk about the reasons we are faced with temptation. It is there because we attract it, knowingly or unknowingly.  There is an inner desire to prove something or compensate for what we perceive as lacking.

Think of what tempts you.

Take infidelity for example.  It can represent a desire to compensate for feeling you’re not getting enough attention from your partner or you’re with the wrong person. Or paradoxically, it can reflect self destructive behavior because at a deeper level, you feel you don’t deserve the partner you have so you screw up the relationship.

You can draw the same conclusions about any other excessive behavior and desire: overeating, alcohol and substance abuse,  laziness and inaction, overspending, not spending enough, explosive anger and so on.

Every temptation is rooted in us, not the outside world. No one or nothing is trying to test you and undermine your success. It is a sign that something is out of balance in your life.

What is temptation trying to tell you?

Here is an example. I have been avoiding exercising and choosing to spend my time doing other stuff (reading, Twitter, forums). I don’t need to lose weight but I do need to build up my strength and stamina.  My needs are not urgent or life threatening, so it’s easy to be tempted and avoid exercise.

In my attempt to understand my own temptation, I decided to have a conversation with it. I imagined it would go like this:

Me: Hi laziness. What’s up?

Temptation: Not much. You called me up saying that you can’t workout any more. So I’m here to accommodate you. To prove that you are right. You are not disciplined enough and won’t follow through with your workout program.

Me: OK so if I listen to you and not work out, what would happen next?

Temptation: Well, you succumb to my alluring power and then feel like crap.

Me: So when I feel like crap, you will go away.

Temptation: I think so. You won’t need me any more.  You will do just fine tormenting yourself without my help.

Me: Tell me. Why can’t I have the discipline to workout?

Temptation: Why do you need discipline to workout? How do you feel when you workout?

Me: I feel great. I have energy and motivation to make the best of my day.

Temptation: There you have it. What does discipline have to do with it?

Me: I realize now that whether I have discipline or not, I want to work out because it makes me feel good. So why would I replace feeling good with feeling bad?

Temptation: I don’t know you tell me.

Me: Self sabotage from doubts about my ability to keep going.

Temptation: You asked the questions and answered them.

Me: I’m not sure I’m convinced that I will work out because it feels good. I will get bored.

Temptation: Why do you get bored?

Me: Because I don’t like to keep doing the same thing.

Temptation: Define bored for me.

Me: Not feeling up to doing something because it’s not exciting. It is routine.

Temptation: Do you get bored when you’re on Twitter or reading? Are you trying to tell me that if you’re100% focused on what you’re doing, completely with it, regardless of what it is, you will be bored?

Me: I see now you’re trying to put mindfulness in the middle of it.

Temptation: I just have a hard time believing that if you were fully present, you won’t enjoy even the most mundane of routines.

Me: You’re full of wisdom, aren’t you?

Temptation: I’m only here because of you. So I’m only reflecting your own wisdom.

How do you deal with temptation?

Anastasiya—author of Balance In Me wrote a valuable guide on how to resist temptations. It provides detailed action steps to help you in resisting temptations. If you are the type that can resist, then go ahead and apply the advice in the article.

If you don’t have the will power or the desire to resist (like me), then keep reading.

5 simple steps to understand and deal with temptation:

1. Find your triggers for the temptation. Are you losing momentum? Are you getting bored? Do you need more attention? Are you trying to prove something?

2. Talk to your temptation. Dig deeper.  What is missing or out of balance in your life that you are trying to compensate for?

3. Reframe your own beliefs and behavior. Find other meanings and outcomes that challenge your view. This is how you shake deeply rooted beliefs. In my example above, I convinced myself that exercising is boring but reading and Twitter are not. The difference is I’m fully immersed in the experience when I’m reading, but not when I’m exercising.

4. Take action. Take powerful action. In my case I will start working out and be more mindful when doing it.

5. Let go of judgment. You don’t need to judge yourself for your past or for the thoughts of temptation. Move on and give yourself a break. If you do something you regret, don’t use it as an excuse to stop. Keep going and focus on your strengths and what you learned about yourself in the process.

You can deal with temptation in different ways. The most important thing is: remember that you are in control—always. You are the creator, even of the most enticing temptations in your life.

Photo courtesy of sansreproache

Life is about growth and evolution. With every generation, we advance in knowledge and improve our quality of life.

The best growth opportunities can be disguised as challenges and hard times. Would we be where we are today if we didn’t go through our own struggles in life?

What about the new generation? Would you want them to experience our pains and struggles to find their own path? Or would you want them to learn from our accumulated experiences?

My thought is: save our youth some time and give them a few pointers. Maybe they will take the advice. Maybe they won’t. But why not give them the opportunity to learn from our mistakes, and start their journey into adulthood from a more evolved place than we did?

If you stopped for a minute and thought about your life experiences and the lessons you learned so far, what would you want to tell the younger generation? What are the things you wish you knew when you were younger?

If I had a choice to communicate with every child in this world, in every language, I would want them to know the following:

1. No one is perfect.

Every human being makes mistakes. We all have something we don’t like about ourselves. The important thing is—accept this as part of being human. Don’t look for the flaws in your self or in others. Look for the beauty and ability instead, and your life will always be full of wonder.

2. Love is the most powerful thing we can give and receive.

Nothing can match the love you receive from your parents, your siblings and friends. You are most alive when you feel the love that connects you with other human beings. Love is our nature. Be love and give love. It is within you.

3. When you hurt someone, you hurt yourself.

When you make fun of someone, you will regret it later. When you physically hurt someone, the experience will haunt you. Making others suffer is never the solution. When you face a violent situation, try to find a peaceful way to deal with it. Be kind and see the kindness in others.

4. You are truly one of a kind.

You are complete the way you are. You are a unique person. Everything you need  to be happy is within you. You don’t need to impress any one or to explain yourself to others. Don’t expect others to have to explain themselves to you either.

Don’t try to fit in and don’t expect others to do it. When you try to blend in, you lose yourself and the joy in your life.

5. Listen to your gut feeling.

Do things that feel good and excite you. Don’t do anything that doesn’t feel right. Follow your heart. You are doing it now, so don’t stop doing it when you grow up.

6. Loss is part of life.

With life and love, there is always a chance to lose someone we love or something we enjoy. It is OK to go through these painful experiences. You will have people around you who will support you and give you the strength to move on.

7. You always have a choice.

Don’t do anything because you have to. Do things that you want to do. When you are a child you may not know what’s best for you. So you will follow the advice of adults. But when you grow up, you will have the wisdom to know for yourself. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

8. Make the most of every minute of your life.

Do one thing at a time and do it well. When you are doing anything, remember what it feels like now when you just enjoy coloring or playing games. Have a blast working and playing and make the best of every thing you do.

9. Forgive and let go.

When you make a mistake, don’t be too proud to admit your fault. Apologize to the other person if you can. Forgive yourself and let it go. Remember we are all human—there isn’t one human being out there who never made a mistake.

If someone hurt you, remember: they are human too and they make mistakes. Forgive them just as you would want them to forgive you.

If you tried something and it didn’t work out, learn from it and move on. There is no failure in life. Be grateful for the fun you had and the lessons you learned. Let go and move on to the next adventure in your life.

10. Give with all your heart.

When you are with your family or friends, give them all your attention. When you are helping others, do the best you can and give as much as you can afford. You can give money, spend time with others, or you can listen to someone who needs to talk. But the most precious gift you can give is: love.

Love everyone around you. It is contagious. The more love you give, the more you spread it around the world.

I have tried to use the simplest form of language possible, imagining that I’m talking to a six year old. The truth is: there is a child within all of us. The advice that reaches the depth of our inner child may have the biggest impact on our lives.

So don’t forget to reflect on your experiences with your inner child and all the children around you. This is how we change the world—one child at a time.

How about you? What lessons do you want to share with your younger self or the kids of today?

This post was inspired by fellow bloggers Abubakar and Haider. Thank you for the idea and the invitation.