What I Learned from My Latest Tantrum

Yesterday I woke up feeling good and rested. I turned on my computer and noticed my wireless connection wasn’t on. Several attempts to re-establish a connection failed and with every attempt my frustration grew. I felt a wave of anger running through me faster than I could comprehend.

A darkness descended on me. I was ready to bitch and blame anything and everyone. I started looking around the room for more things to get mad about. I felt things were out of control and the only option for me was anger.

The speed with which my mood changed was scary. Part of me was trying to figure out what was happening inside my head. But the ingrained reactive behavior was faster and smarter.

My resistance to the feelings added insult to injury. There was this inner voice that kept telling me to take it easy, it’s just an internet connection and my behavior and feelings were not acceptable for someone working on being in a state of inner peace and calm.

Luckily for me there was no one around. So there was no one to take it out on.  After a few minutes, I started to write. I took it out of my system. I complained and allowed all the negativity to come out on paper.

It took me a while to feel calm again. What I’ve learned from this experience can be summed up below.

• Allow: When you feel upset, allow the feeling to go through you. Fighting it makes it stronger.
• Judge not: Realize that we have lots of conditioning that is hard to change. You are doing the best you can at the moment. Do not judge yourself.
• No Whys: Do not try to figure out why you are feeling the negative emotion. It adds to your mental stress, which doesn’t help.
• Opportunity: Peace and calm are part of the journey not the destination. So with every situation, there is an opportunity for learning and growth. Embrace it.
• Meaning: Don’t take it out on someone else. Feeling crappy is a reaction to the meaning you attributed to an event. It has nothing to do with others.
• Get Physical: Take out your anger in a physical form if you can. Use a punching bag or go for a walk.
• Write: If you don’t feel like getting physical, start writing or typing. Don’t think about grammar or spelling. This is talking on paper. Keep writing until there is nothing you can think of.  Once done, delete the document or throw out the paper with the intention of letting go.
• Breathe!

Controlling thoughts and emotions is not an easy task. Recognizing our thoughts and managing our emotions are steps in the right direction.

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